Archive for the ‘Parenting in South Dakota’ Category

Make sure she has a healthy body image


Make sure she has a healthy body image

Teens have changing bodies, and a lot of pressure to look and be a certain someone. This can be both good and bad, however, in many instances it can take a toll on their personal self image. Teens often have warped body images. The following are some tips for encouraging a healthy body image:

Help them create their own style: In many instances your teen is going to have an unhealthy body image because they see clothes that someone skinnier, or more curvy, or more buff, or taller can wear, and they do not look the same in them. So, help your child love their body by finding clothing and a style that works for them. They are never going to have a positive self image if they are trying to look good in clothes that do not flatter their body.

Do not let them debase themselves: One of the best things you can do for your teen when it comes to their body image is never allow them to put themselves down in your presence. Set firm rules about it. If you hear your teen say they are fat, or that they have ugly freckles, or that they are plain, or that their hair is too stringy, or that their legs are too hairy, or whatever they complain about, stop them dead in their tracks. Anytime you hear your teen say something they do not like about their body, make them tell you five things that they do. They have to know that complaining about their body, and hating themselves is not okay with you. Be strict about it, and be sure to tell them things that you love about them any time you hear them complain.

Talk about what appearance means: When your child is struggling with their body image, it is important to talk to them about what appearance and body image means. Help them to understand that images are different to different people. What one person likes, another may not. Just like you may be more attracted to blondes, than brunettes. Appearance is in the eye of the beholder, so your child needs to stop trying to make themselves look better for others, and simply make their body what will please them. Once your child understand this, body image, and having a more positive feeling about their own body will be easier.

Be a positive role model: If you want your teen to have a positive, healthy, body image, your best means of encouragement is to have one yourself. If your teen constantly hears you talk about dieting, and remaking yourself, wanting a better stomach, or whiter teeth, or whatever it may be, they will start feeling the same way. They will find that no matter what they look like, or how great their body is, it is not good enough. So, be careful to be positive about your own body, and never put yourself down in front of them, or it will give them permission to do the same about their own body. So, encourage a healthy body image through example. If you do not have a healthy body image, then fake it in front of your child.

For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com


Parenting Classes | How To Use The 4 Parenting Styles

The four parenting styles based on research in parenting are: 1. Low love and low limits 2. Low love and high limits 3. High love and low limits 4. High love an.


Parenting Classes | Parenting Simple Parenting Techniques That …

Honest ParentingParenting: Which road do I have to take to rear a good child?The basic equipment that we have is the way in which our very own parents brought u.


Parenting in the Name of God « Scita > Scienda

This amounts to a mockery of the parents and extended families who have lost children, and lost their own way in the search for â??perfectâ? parenting, to the point of becoming murderers in the name of God. To put it into church jargon, …


Perfect Parenting â?? How to Overcome Mommy Guilt | Go-Go Mum!

Mommy Guilt is a term used to describe an enormous amount of pressure that tends to overwhelm a mother’s life when her child is born. To overcome mommy guilt, many mothers try very hard to overcompensate and find themselves striving to …


Wal-Mart gives $100000 to the Parenting Assistance Line – Walmart …

The Wal-Mart Foundation State Giving Program will present a $100000 check to Alabama’s First Lady Patsy Riley on behalf of PAL, the Parenting Assistance Line (PAL). On Monday, March 8 at 10:00 a.m., First Lady Patsy Riley and Glen …

Solving Teething Problems


Solving Teething Problems

Imparting Good Values

Values are the principles you viewed to be right and important in life. One of the important areas which parents must look into when raising kids is the imparting of values to their children. Although it sounds easy but to effectively imparting your values to your children can be difficult and it needs a lot of patience and time. Parents have great effects on a child’s future lifestyle, so it will be wise to develop a positive lifestyle for your kids to follow.

So what should you be doing in order to effectively impart your values to your little ones?

1. Your children learn from you

To “do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t apply to the children of the modern world. It will only be smart to set good examples for your kids to follow because they love to learn from you. So do consider the values you will like to see in your children so that you can set an example for them to learn and follow.

For example, if you like to see politeness in your kids, you would need to display politeness when communicating with them or other people. You have to be a polite person before your child can follow your step.

Take another example; if you want your child to be humble, you would have to be humble yourself. You should not be displaying a sense of arrogance or feel too proud when dealing with people. Always eat your humble pie when you commit a mistake to show your humility. That way, they will learn from your value and follow the way you deal with things.

2. Praises means approvals

When your kids display positive behaviours, you should not forget to praise them. Praising is important because it is one of the more effective ways in which you can show your approval to them. Your children feel good and proud when they are praised by you and with such good feelings, they will want to behave positively again and again.

3. Learn from others

Whenever you see suitable situation, you can point out the positive behaviour or misdeed done to your children. Teach them the value of the good deeds done and hence, they can learn from others. There are actually a lot of such situations you can make use of. These examples can be from TV, newspaper or even when you are out shopping with them.

One important point to take note is that never compare your little ones with another child who have just did something good. If he or she is belittled by your comments, you will only cause negative effects on your child’s mind.

4. Get your children to help

I’ve seen parents stopping their child from helping with the house chores because they have a maid at home. Without having to help out in the house, their kid may grow up not knowing how to help others and expect everything to be prepared for him or her.

When children are given the chances to help out in the house, they will develop a sense of responsibility in them. With the ability to fulfill their responsibilities, they can grow up more confidently.

Imparting values can be simple when raising kids. As long as you know how to set examples, expose them to good and bad behaviours, teach and praise them, you will be able to impart your values to them easily.

Jeff Boo is an Educator with many years of teaching experience and a Father of a pair of twins. Both he and his wife are very experience in handling children If you are truly concern about your children’s learning journey, log on to http://www.essentialsforparents.com and sign up for your FREE instant access to the Children’s Resources Centre!

Massage your baby


Massage your baby

Happy kids – have them get along

If you are a parent of more than one child you may find that sibling rivalry adds a great deal of stress to your life. And worse yet unfortunately, by allowing the process of sibling rivalry to work itself out, it adds additional stress to a parent’s life. The key to handling this as a parent is to be aware of the benefits of sibling rivalry and help your child enhance these skills in other positive and productive ways. Some of the skills to enhance the benefits and avoid the pitfalls of sibling rivalry are as follows:

· Always use prevention as your best defense. Since most fighting is a way to draw your attention to them, try to short circuit that from happening in the first place. You will want to incorporate special time with each child. Try to set up schedules, stick to them and make yourself available to each of your kids. You can have your kids go on special outings with each parent and do different things with each child.

· Give your kids a break from each other. If it is at all possible, separate your kids. It is important to let them have time alone while driving, at a friend’s house, visiting relatives, etc. Remember just like adults, kids need their own time and if they get cooped up in the same space for a long time they get irritated.

· Everything is not about sharing. While sharing is an integral point of getting along, often fighting occurs because kids feel out of control. Have your child choose two or three things that are theirs and theirs alone. Put the items on a shelf or in a special box and make it known that these are items that they do not have to share. This way your child feels like he has some control over his things and may be much more likely to share other items with his siblings.

· Always strive to appreciate your kids at all times. At certain times in life this can be more difficult (the teen years for one). Try to notice how often they get along without fighting. Pay special attention to their good qualities and what is unique about each child and remember that it’s their job to work things out, not yours. Remember your job as a parent is to be a role model, promote good feelings, open up clear lines of communication, develop mutual respect, and monitor your kids and their needs.

· Teach your kids to develop problem-solving skills. You want to give your kids the guidelines and skills to solve problems for themselves. Problem solving skills are often one of the things many adults lack. You can ask each kid during a family meeting how he or she can get along better with their sibling. You will want to discuss what things they might need from the other and ways to brainstorm possible solutions to these problems.

· Let go of the perfection expectations. As a parent you need to let go of your urge to worry and your expectation of being a perfect parent. The same thing goes for your kids. Despite all of your best efforts, if you have more than one child, prepare yourself that at some time they will fight and its o.k. It can also be important to learn how to roll with the punches and to ask yourself, “How big of a deal will this be in five years?” Learn how to enjoy life and laugh a little more and your kids will be better for it.

Visit http://www.surfnetparents.com for more For more parenting advice and ideas.

Keep it short – 15 minutes to bed


Keep it short – 15 minutes to bed

Parents are always concerned with how to balance their role as parent and effectively raise happy, healthy, and respectful children. It can especially be challenging for a parent to know what to do and how to do it when your child has behavioral difficulties and he or she refuses to go to bed.

Although it is common for children to need about at least a 15 minute transition to get fully settled and ready for bed, some children take this time to act out and put unrealistic demands on his or her parents. He or she becomes “tyrant” like and needs 12 bedtime stories, 252 kisses, and he or she still will not let you leave the room.

Here are 3 strategies to handle bed time routines when you child takes more than 15-20 minutes to settle down and go to sleep.

The first one is to make sure that you give your child at least a 10 minute warning before going to bed. It is helpful to use the TV as a natural ending time. You can even let your children know ahead of time by saying “after this show it is bed-time”.

Second, after the show is over make sure you do not allow them chances to “get out” of going right away. Things like “I’m hungry, and I’m thirsty, or I have to go to the bathroom for a third time” can be legitimate request. However, it is best that the child doesn’t eat or drink anything at least 30-40 minutes before bed.

Finally, if you child insist on reading a story allow them to pick one or two stories. The total reading time for a child should be between 10-15 minutes. Longer reading times than that can cause power struggles and especially when they are afraid will be used as “ammunition” to keep you there.

In conclusion, also remember that your child tends to do what works. So the simplest way to change his or her difficult behavior during bed time is to not make his or her strategy work anymore.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child’s out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

To Download and listen to my FREE audio recordings visit: http://www.theinhomeparentcoach.com

To Download My Brand New eBook – “Unleash The Parental Leader Within!” Click here…

Unleash The Parental Leader Within!

Jason Johnson (MSW) has spent many years working with hundreds of challenging toddlers through teenagers diagnosed with A.D.H.D, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Aspergers Syndrome, and Bi-polar.

He has worked with children and their families in hospitals, mental health facilities, and he continues to go into client’s homes until this very day. Jason works with boys and girls (ages 2-19) with SEVERE emotional/behavioral issue from various ethnic backgrounds, races, and religions.

Solving Teething Problems

Massage your baby


Massage your baby

Keeping your kids away from the electronics

When parents discuss how much media they allow their children, the answers vary wildly. Some parents have very strict time restrictions on their children’s media viewing while others give their children more control over the time they spend on media.

How do you know when your child is getting too much media?

One mom knew she needed to allow less video game time when her 7-year-old son started not wanting play outside or do things with the family preferring his video game instead. He was so attached to playing his video game that he often pitched a fit when he was told the game had to go off. His games didn’t have a good way to save the game for later so he was reluctant to stop playing and lose his place in the game.

She decided to reduce his video game playing to one hour twice a week. She started giving him a 10 minute warning before his hour was up. When the 10 minutes were up, he could either choose to shut the game off or she would turn the power off. It only took a couple times of turning the power off to get him to shut the game down in time.

What are signs that digital usage is becoming a problem?

If your children are exhibiting these types of behaviors, it’s time to think about reducing the time they spend on media:

• Spending less and less time with family and friends
• Difficulty focusing on the present moment due to craving video game or cellphone
• Developing health issues such as Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, eye strain, weight gain, backaches
• Withdrawing from sports, hobbies and social interactions
• Losing sleep due to gaming, texting
• Acting irritable or discontent when not using digital items
• Declining grades in school, missing school
• Talking and thinking obsessively about the digital activity
• Denying or minimizing any negative consequences

If you feel your child is addicted to video games and will react extremely to having limits set, it is wise to seek help from a professional counselor or psychologist.

What do the experts recommend?

Hilarie Cash, psychotherapist and co-author of Video Games & Your Kids, makes the following recommendations for personal screen time (computer, TV, video games). This time does not include computer time needed for homework.

• Under 2-years-old: no screen time
• Preschool: 1 – 2 hours/day
• Elementary: 2 hours/day
• Junior/Senior High: 2 – 3 hours/day

She also recommends no TV, internet or gaming consoles in children’s rooms. The primary problem with having these devices in children’s bedrooms is that parents have more difficulty monitoring what’s going on.

Won’t it be difficult to set limits?

It can be very hard to set limits around digital entertainment. These digital devices keep our children content while we benefit from some free time. However, when we realize our children’s media usage is having a negative impact on them, we need to set some limits despite our children’s protesting.

With older children, it can help to explain why we’re concerned about the time they’re spending on digital entertainment. Engaging them in deciding what reasonable limits should be set may help them in sticking to those limits.

We may also need to change our own behavior so that we are modeling reasonable digital media usage. While this won’t be easy, it will provide the time to try other activities. Perhaps this will be the summer your family discovers how much fun it is to go biking together!

Kathy Slattengren is a noted parenting speaker, trainer and founder of Priceless Parenting. Priceless Parenting provides an online parenting class which teaches effective discipline techniques for positively dealing with misbehavior.

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Have a great summer


Have a great summer

With school out soon, parents either feel two things. 1)”Wow, I can’t wait to spend more time with my kids!” or 2)”Oh, boy, here we go. How will we fill their time?”

Parents who work outside the home have no choice but to send their kids to camps or daycares during the the day, but stay-at-home moms or dads need to get creative. If you need some ideas on how best to occupy your kids this summer then what follows will be just what you need.

In order for children to be happy and content four things need to be present in their day:

1) Routine
2) Stimulation
3) Free Play/Alone time
4) Sleep

How do we structure their days so that all four requirements are met? The following is what a typical day could look like:

8 am Kids wake up (or 9 am)

Eat a healthy breakfast

Have free time to play, watch a good quality children’s program (no fighting, violence, or quick flashing images) for a half hour or hour

Learn how to make or bake something with mommy or daddy. This can be a craft or a baked good.

Eat a healthy lunch

Put them down for a nap or if older, take them outside to:

a) a playground

b) a friends house (this way you can have a tea or coffee with another adult while the kids play!)

c) a play gym

d) walk somewhere (grocery store, post office, ice cream store)

e) take pictures of nature with a disposable or digital camera (Children love this! Give them a

brief lesson on how to focus on an object etc. then let them be creative with whatever they

want to capture) Make these pictures part of another day’s craft activity!

f) kick around a ball together

g) walk in the countryside

h) go to a museum

i) go to the zoo

j) send the kids on a scavenger hunt and after they find everything they can enjoy a homemade

popsicle or ice cream!

k) go to grandma and grandpa’s house

l) play catch

m) meet the working parent for his or her coffee break (how nice to visit them during the day for a

short coffee, tea, lemonade or chocolate milk!)

n) weed the garden or grass (believe it or not, some kids really like doing this! Put on some good

music and have an enjoyable time together)

o) take care of the garden plants by watering them, picking off dead leaves etc.

p) wash the car with buckets of soapy water, sponges and shammy cloths

q) turn on the sprinkler(s) and let the kids run through the water (you can either join in or read a

good book while they play)

Come home and let the children have some “Alone Time” (for you as well!)

Eat a healthy dinner

Spend some quality family time together

To bed no later than 9:00pm for younger children and 10pm for older children.

Voila! A perfect day that is routined and stimulating yet has plenty of free play and sleep.

Erin Kurt is currently the president of Erin Parenting, a company devoted to empowering parents with the tools, training and support they need to create the family life they truly want. She is also the author of Juggling Family Life. To learn more about her book and to sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her site at http://erinparenting.com/

Solving Teething Problems

Parenting on the View


Parenting on the View

Can we stop the bullying?

In his recent ABC news opinion column, “Want to Stop Bullies?” Lee Dye cites new studies that claim that:

  1. Girls are more likely than boys to intervene to stop bullying than boys are.
  2. Girls intervene more because they’re expected to by their parents, best friends and favorite teachers.
  3. Popular males are more likely to pick on weaker boys, while unpopular, weaker but aggressive boys are more likely to pick on girls.

Of course.  So what? I’m glad Mr. Dye is speaking out and I share his desire to stop bullies and harassment, bullying and abuse in schools. The reason I’m sarcastic is that I think these studies, done by interviewing 269 middle school students in four schools in North Central Florida, are typical of the thought process and pseudo-scientific research that says that:

  1. If we knew more we could design better programs to stop bullies. 
  2. There’s a simple formula, waiting to be discovered by further research that will tell us what to do so anyone, anywhere could use the blueprint and stop bullying in schools
  3. We can’t have successful anti-bullying programs until we have more research.

However, these assumptions are all false and this research adds nothing we didn’t already know.  And the generalizations they’ve already come up with are contradicted by evidence from the recent suicide deaths of four girls in Schenectady, New York.

We already know that getting the kids involved in anti-bullying programs is critical.  We already know that it’s crucial to teach children what to do when they are bystanders and see bullying.  In order to incorporate that knowledge into anti-bullying programs, we don’t need to wait until there’s more pseudo-science research to prove that point.

In summary, we know that it’s everyone’s job to stop bullying in schools and everyone’s help is necessary, especially the kids.  No one group can make a program work if the other members of the local community resist or are uncaring.  The programs in New Hampshire are only the latest reports documenting what we know already.

Successful programs have the seven elements crucial to success:

  1. The programs specify acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
  2. Children are taught specifically what to do if they’re bullied or if they’re bystanders.
  3. The programs involve everyone – school board members, police, principals, teachers, administrative staff and bus drivers, the kids, and at least a vocal, core group of parents.
  4. Consequences are clear and effective action rapid.
  5. Courageous and proactive administrators, school principals and teachers.
  6. Kids are also trained at home not to bully and how to stop bullies.
  7. All steps are implemented simultaneously.

Anti-bullying laws are necessary to force reluctant or uncaring district administrators and principals to act.  They’re also necessary to protect principals and teachers who do act from bullying parents who defend their little terrorists and threaten to sue the principal and school for harassing their little bully.  That’s like in the Harry Potter series where Lucius Malfoy protects his vicious son, Draco.

The biggest problem in stopping bullies is not the lack of research about bullying: It’s the lack of skillful effort being put forth by the most caring people.  At many schools, well-meaning principals and teachers need to join forces with a core group of parents to get programs in motion.  At other schools, frustrated and angry parents need to rally other parents in order to force uncaring or cowardly school district administrators and principals to make effective school policies and then take act promptly and strongly.

Resources Cited: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=7517300&page=1

Ben Leichtling, Ph.D. is author of the books and CDs “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids” and “Eliminate the High cost of Low Attitudes.” He is available for coaching, consulting and speaking. To find practical, real-world tactics to stop bullies and bullying at home, school, work and in relationships, see his web site and blog http://www.BulliesBeGoneBlog.com

Television Violence – deal with it


Television Violence – deal with it

Television is so much a part of our lives we need to be concerned about its effect on our children. The problem is that violence in verbal and physical form appears on screen daily.

Do you know that there are
a) 6 violent acts per hour on prime time television
b) 6 violent acts per hour on children’s programs
c) 50,000 TV commercials exposed to children per year?

Studies show that violence in media does have an impact on children and adolescent behavior. Daily viewing of television in childhood can lead to behavior and social problems.

What can you as parents do about this situation?

1. Monitor very closely what your children watch on TV. Even cartoons like Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers are filled with violent acts.

2. If possible, watch TV with your children and talk with them about what they have seen. Young children are often unable to separate reality from TV shows. Have a discussion with your child about what is real or not real on TV.

3. Encourage your children to look at ways TV characters handle problems. How do they resolve disagreements or issues? Do they use violence or verbal abuse? Are there different solutions other than violence?

4. If your older children have watched a PG rated movie with episodes of violence, ask them if the show or film would still be intact without the violent episodes. Does the violence enhance or detract from the film? This is one way you can help your children become savvy consumers of media.

5. Cartoons often have episodes of violence. We need to ensure that children are aware that there is a huge gulf between what happens in cartoons and what happens in real life. Help your children understand that risky actions (like jumping from a roof) would produce painful and dangerous consequences in real life. Watch your children’s reaction after watching certain cartoons. If they start acting out, that is a strong indication that those shows should be off limits until they are able to discern the difference between cartoon characters and real life.

6. Turn of the TV. Allow your children once in a while to watch approved movies without commercials or violence. The media beast can be tamed if we make television an occasional treat. There are plenty of alternatives available. How about creative play with puppets? Children can make their own shows with puppets and props. Reasonably priced and sturdy camcorders are also available for children to record their own shows.

Positive communication with our children can help them negotiate their way through a media world that is becoming treacherous and slippery.

Bianca Tora is a writer interested in the relationship between lifestyle and the brain, specifically the area of emotional regulation and control. She has published a book on anger management for children. Visit her at http://www.help-your-child-with-anger.com

Stop Crying by Going Outside

How to give your baby pain relievers


How to give your baby pain relievers

Age difference between siblings

The difference between my eldest and youngest is 18 years, however, it is not this difference in age between the youngest and eldest children that causes much of an issue, it is more so the difference in age between each individual child.

Starting from my eldest to the youngest the difference in age between children goes a little something like this:

Number 1 – Number 2 = 23 months
Number 2 – Number 3 = 14 months
Number 3 – Number 4 = 3 years, 8 months
Number 4 – Number 5 = 17 months
Number 5 – Number 6 = 23 months
Number 6 – Number 7 = 20 months
Number 7 – Number 8 = 20 months
Number 8 – Number 9 = 20 months (is there a pattern forming here ;P)
Number 9 – Number 10 = 21 months
Number 10 – Number 11 = 11 months

From the numbers above I’d have to say that the ideal difference in age between children most definitely goes to the 20-23 month period. This time gap ensured I had a full recovery from the previous pregnancy and I was able to get a consistent routine between children. By the time I found myself pregnant again I was fully able to dedicate myself to the newborn and the transition into the family was made extremely easy, this also enabled us to still provide a lot of quality time to previous children, especially the child preceding the newborn without creating any unwanted sibling rivalry or jealousy.

At 20-23 months most children are learning their own independence and although this is usually an introduction to the terrible two’s I can confidently say that this did not create too much drama for our household. All in all I favour this difference in age between children purely for the fact that there is not too much of a gap where children find communicating or playing with each other somewhat difficult, there are still moments of growth that they are able to share, experience and discover with other siblings.

Having detailed the easier spacing to deal with between children, the not so difficult but not so easy range would have to be 14-17 months. At this stage patience can be a little strained but with the tried and true routine I still believe this age gap is manageable. 14-17 months usually indicates the end to bottles and an introduction to the toddler years where walking leads to running and the discovery of one’s other senses through increased mobility. This can be a trying age when your 14-17 month doesn’t quite comprehend all instructions as adequately as an almost 2 year old, especially when you are trying to feed your newborn child.

I suggest that if your toddler is awake during feeding times for your newborn that you sit them down quietly beside you to share some reading time, have them turn the pages while you read the pages or even make up a playful story as the pages are flicked in the “no set order” that your toddler will assume or engage them in blocks or creative hand play where you can comment on the activities at hand while you continue to concentrate on providing a relaxed feeding time for baby. Enjoy the moments as much as possible and try to include your 14-17 month old in the daily routine of your newborn so there is a sense of belonging and role of importance for your toddler.

I also need to touch on the more than 3 year gap. I also have a 3 year gap between my older sister and I and I believe this difference in age between children may be hard to gauge. From experience the age gap was very challenging for me, I felt as if I always wanted to do what my older sister was doing but felt restrained due to being 3 years her junior. However the contrast I have with my own children is that my daughter is 3 years older than her brother and this doesn’t seem to have been a major issue, so I guess the gender of your child can play a major part in the difference in age between children.

At the complete other end of the spectrum is the less than 12 month period. I strongly believe that had I had an 11 month period between any of my other births, I may not have had so many children. The 11 month period between my number 10 and 11 was extremely difficult. Keeping in mind that I have a wealth of knowledge, tips and tricks from 10 previous children, we were not prepared for the 11 month gap. It came as quite a surprise as we had always wanted twins or a multiple birth but after having Troy (number 10) and Tiana (number 11) we have a new respect for parents of multiple births.

It almost became a daily struggle where both babies needed the same if not exact attention and time. Initially it was slightly easier to cope with until I returned to work when Tiana was 3 months old but this left Ieremia holding both babies and I know he has some stories to share with you all. From my experience the 11 month and under gap is extreme and possibly not something I would recommend unless of course you had alot of support from your partner or family during the first 18 months.

When all is said and done I believe that there are many contributing factors to whether there is an ideal difference in age between children but based on experience I would have to stick to the 20 month and above gap.

For more on the trials and tribulations of our family … where there’s never a dull moment and we share our experiences in raising children and welcome your queries and feedback, please feel free to visit http://www.4my11kids.com

Looking forward to “seeing you” there

Roseanne

End Sibling Rivalry


End Sibling Rivalry

If you are a parent of more than one child you may find that sibling rivalry adds a great deal of stress to your life. And worse yet unfortunately, by allowing the process of sibling rivalry to work itself out, it adds additional stress to a parent’s life. The key to handling this as a parent is to be aware of the benefits of sibling rivalry and help your child enhance these skills in other positive and productive ways. Some of the skills to enhance the benefits and avoid the pitfalls of sibling rivalry are as follows:

· Always use prevention as your best defense. Since most fighting is a way to draw your attention to them, try to short circuit that from happening in the first place. You will want to incorporate special time with each child. Try to set up schedules, stick to them and make yourself available to each of your kids. You can have your kids go on special outings with each parent and do different things with each child.

· Give your kids a break from each other. If it is at all possible, separate your kids. It is important to let them have time alone while driving, at a friend’s house, visiting relatives, etc. Remember just like adults, kids need their own time and if they get cooped up in the same space for a long time they get irritated.

· Everything is not about sharing. While sharing is an integral point of getting along, often fighting occurs because kids feel out of control. Have your child choose two or three things that are theirs and theirs alone. Put the items on a shelf or in a special box and make it known that these are items that they do not have to share. This way your child feels like he has some control over his things and may be much more likely to share other items with his siblings.

· Always strive to appreciate your kids at all times. At certain times in life this can be more difficult (the teen years for one). Try to notice how often they get along without fighting. Pay special attention to their good qualities and what is unique about each child and remember that it’s their job to work things out, not yours. Remember your job as a parent is to be a role model, promote good feelings, open up clear lines of communication, develop mutual respect, and monitor your kids and their needs.

· Teach your kids to develop problem-solving skills. You want to give your kids the guidelines and skills to solve problems for themselves. Problem solving skills are often one of the things many adults lack. You can ask each kid during a family meeting how he or she can get along better with their sibling. You will want to discuss what things they might need from the other and ways to brainstorm possible solutions to these problems.

· Let go of the perfection expectations. As a parent you need to let go of your urge to worry and your expectation of being a perfect parent. The same thing goes for your kids. Despite all of your best efforts, if you have more than one child, prepare yourself that at some time they will fight and its o.k. It can also be important to learn how to roll with the punches and to ask yourself, “How big of a deal will this be in five years?” Learn how to enjoy life and laugh a little more and your kids will be better for it.

Visit http://www.surfnetparents.com for more For more parenting advice and ideas.

Parenting Video by Tony Hawkins


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